Ruthless entrepreneur Crassus is building a new housing estate with no regard for health or safety - which results in Stylax's death. Builder Jason turns up to reveal that he inadvertently killed Stylax due to Crassus's disregard for rules and joins with Marcus and Grumio to force Crassus to give them their own property - actually a run-down former public lavatory.

Despite only being open a few days, the boys' bar receives a devastating '1 Fork' review from the leading food critic in Rome. Grumio invites her back for a re-match with his experimental new menu; while Jason can't stop hiring waitresses.

Aurelius is running in a marathon to raise funds for lepers and challenges Jason to also compete. Marcus sees the opportunity to make money by telling race organizer Diana that he is the carer for mentally-challenged Grunio, leading to her setting up the Grumio Foundation. This backfires on Marcus when he is expected to take part in the marathon whilst Jason sets out to nobble Aurelius, in order to win a bet.

Marcus starts to date stand-up comic Minerva and books her at the Crown and Toga with Aurelius, Grumio and Jason as the warm-up act, house band Cerberus. Unfortunately for Marcus she uses his poor sexual performance as her material whilst Grumio's departure to be a solo artist is no more successful than Aurelius and Jason's new folk duo Gemini.

It is the Roman festival of love and Gloria asks Marcus to be her date at the Crown and Toga's couples night. Grumio attends the occasion alone but ends up devouring an engagement ring by accident. As a result only one of two romances goes smoothly.

Marcus, Grumio and Jason take up a free trial at the new bath-house Elysium, where Grumio discovers a loop-hole, allowing them to stay indefinitely, Jason courts yoga instructress Cleo and Marcus hopes to interest businessman Evander in investing in the Crown and Toga. Unfortunately Marcus's dealings with Evander eventually lead to the trio's - nude - expulsion from Elysium.

When the Crown and Toga is hit by a huge tax bill Marcus seeks the help of glamorous Jewish accountant Rebecca Shatzberg, though it means he must pretend to be Jewish himself. Unfortunately Rebecca's brother Simon - literally - exposes him and it is down to Grumio and his racing snail to come up with the money.

A Germanian bar opens and attempts to sell a popular drink called beer. Grumio engages his super-palate to try and discover the recipe, whilst Marcus has a run-in with the fire brigade.