A touring USO show brings an unexpected touch of vaudeville to the 4077th when the star showgirl requires an emergency operation.

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Father Mulcahy counsels a guilt-ridden GI who swapped tags with a dead colleague. B.J. and Charles consider ways of keeping a soldier-salesman quiet, while Hawkeye and Margaret help another GI get even with the woman who jilted him.

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The Army is starting a new MASH unit, and the surgeons and staff of the 4077th fear they will be split up and reassigned. So they act completely unprofessional, uncouth, and incompetent in front of an army rep hoping he will reconsider.

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Hawkeye writes to President Truman complaining about the war and the senseless tasks they have to do, like camp beautification to obtain a needed water heater.

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After being cited for reckless Jeep driving, Colonel Potter voluntarily takes driving lessons from Rizzo and B.J. decides he will make all the money he can to pay the second Mortgage, by gambling.

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During a newspaper shortage, Charles gets newspapers from home, refuses to share them, and incurs the wrath of the whole camp. A patient and a soldier are Asian brothers on opposite sides of the war.

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When Hawkeye's snappy new Polaroid camera is stolen, Klinger searches the black market and finds it. Unfortunately en route back to camp, Klinger is stopped by MPs who assume he is the camera thief.

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It's the day of Klinger's hearing before a special court martial. Will Klinger be sent up the river? With Charles as his attorney, it's almost certain. Meanwhile, Hawkeye and B.J. set out to catch the real thief.

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On the day after Christmas, the 4077th decides to try out an English tradition, Boxing Day, where the officers and enlisted personnel change places for a day.

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While Klinger is delirious with fever, he communicates with the ghost of deceased Private Jimmy Weston.

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Margaret tries desperately to get to Tokyo for her birthday, and the camp helps an injured cow give birth with Klinger starting a betting pool on the exact day and time.

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When a visiting U.N. war correspondent sensationalizes the war instead of reporting it, Hawkeye is outraged. B.J. tries to repair a motorcycle donated to him by a wounded private.

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A special egg breakfast is complicated by a distraught AWOL soldier talking Father Mulcahy into granting him sanctuary in the mess tent during a preceding church service.

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While Winchester fearfully avoids getting his agonizing toothache treated, the other surgeons discover a racist commander is sending his African-American soldiers disproportionally into dangerous duty.

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After Hawkeye corrects a mistake that Colonel Potter made on a patient, Potter fears he's losing his touch badly enough to summon Dr. Sidney Freeman.

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Fearing for his life at an aid station, Hawkeye writes his will with special bequests for his friends.

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When Charles, Hawkeye, and B.J. determine promotion recommendations, they are wooed by the enlisted staff while a bully physically threatens Charles. Potter helps a GI who is being razzed by colleagues for being faithful to his girl.

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A famous prizefighter, "Gentleman Joe" Cavanaugh, comes to visit the 4077th and while there, has a stroke. Everyone is irritated as Pierce, serving as his doctor, becomes spokesman to the press. Father Mulcahy is upset, since Gentleman Joe was his childhood hero.

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Ignoring Margaret's offers to help, Potter and B.J. head a bowling team in a championship match against the Marines. Hawkeye's father is having an operation back home, so Hawkeye feels helpless enough to confide in Charles.

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After becoming fed up with his bunkmates' living habits, Hawkeye moves out of The Swamp and into a quaint shack behind Rosie's. Meanwhile, Charles and B.J. continue to annoy one another: Charles with his loud, classical music playing at all hours, and B.J. constantly sharing news of Erin's potty training; Colonel Potter wants to paint a portrait of the entire camp as a present for Mildred, but it proves difficult with the men fighting with one another. Klinger, Margaret and Father Mulcahy take it upon themselves to try and get the Swampmen back together. Will they ...

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A peddler wheels his cart into camp. Klinger buys from him a goat to get rich selling milk. B.J. shows interest in a blue vase, but Charles outbids him greatly. Meanwhile, much to his chagrin, Hawkeye is paymaster again. But just as he gets the pay rolling, wounded arrive. Hawkeye tells Klinger to keep an eye on the money while he's in surgery. Unfortunately, Klinger left the money in his office alone with the goat...Hawk and Klinger return to find the money gone. It had been eaten. No way would I-CORPS believe that. Worse yet, he still had a ton of angry, unpaid ...

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